


But Then I'd Never Have You

by livingwithmermaids



Series: Hinting At Something Different [94]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comforting Dean, Cuddling & Snuggling, Episode: s05e13 The Song Remains the Same, M/M, Sad Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 13:23:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4264815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingwithmermaids/pseuds/livingwithmermaids
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam asks Dean what would have happened if he was never born.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But Then I'd Never Have You

**Author's Note:**

> Season 5 episode 13 The Song Remains the Same

"What do you think would happen if I was never born?"

Dean turned his head to look at Sam, who was staring at the ceiling with intensity. Dean furrowed his eyebrows.

"Why do you ask that?"

"Just answer, please."

Dean stared dumbly at Sam, mouth open and answers to the question racing through his mind.

"Honestly."

Dean sighed.

"I think... things would be different. Really different."

Sam chuckled coldly. "You're right. Mom would be still alive, dad would still be alive, there would be no apocalypse and you wouldn't have had to die more than once."

"I suppose those things are true." Sam's face twisted into hurt, and Dean's heart broke at his brothers sad expression. "But then I wouldn't have you."

"You wouldn't have me?" Sam scoffed and glared at Dean. "Small price to pay. You've have a normal life without a burden that-"

"Hey, hey." Dean propped himself on his elbow and hovered over his brother. "You are not a burden. You are my baby brother, and I love you more than anything in this world. If you were never born, do you know how lonely I would be?" Sam huffed and shook his head, ready to protest. Dean covered his mouth with his free hand, and Sam growled. Dean ignored the sound and continued. 

"Every morning when I wake up, I'm always hot. Even when it feels like it's zero degrees, I'm always sweating, because you're wrapped around me like a goddamn octopus. Sometimes when I try to get up, you get all freaked out and you hold me really tight and you practically roll on top of me to keep me still. You always bury your face in my hair and breathe in really deep, like the smell of my shampoo gives you good dreams or something. You do it every morning, of everyday, without fail. If you were never born, I would never find anyone who does exactly that."

Dean could see tears gathering in Sam's eyes, and he took his hand from his mouth, brushing his fingers through Sam's hair instead. His brother's voice came out quiet and raspy.

"Why does that matter?"

"Because it's what makes you Sam. It's what makes you the guy I am head over heels in love with. I don't know what I'd do with myself if you didn't exist."

Sam burst into tears, and Dean hugged him.

In the morning, Dean woke up early, and Sam was still fast asleep. He tried to slowly leave the circle of Sam's arms, but they tightened, and Dean could feel Sam's nose nuzzle itself into his hair and his chest rise and fall as he breathed in deep. He smiled.


End file.
